“The Child that Rocks the Cradle”

Diana M.L. Birch

- Introduction -

“The Doll that Grew Up”

 Lorna’s bedroom was like that of any fourteen year old - walls papered with posters and cut outs from teen magazines and bits of  record covers - Duran Duran and David Bowie; a Crystal Palace football scarf draped round the light switch and a scatter of old cinema tickets and memorabilia blue-tacked to the mirror. The floor obscured by discarded school books and dirty underwear with the odd sweet wrapper, cotton wool balls and mother’s ‘borrowed’ best shoes. Mixed in among the tea shirt collection on the bed lay the required row of furry animals and mascots - teddy, pink pig, Emu puppet, cabbage patch kid doll which she had pleaded for on her tenth birthday, grotesque stuffed ‘something’ which Mum won for her at the Easter fair ..... and a baby.

 She had never gone out much; was certainly not a promiscuous little Lolita and had no boyfriend then, now or ever. The baby was conceived on an ill-fated outing with friends when the little ‘stay at home’ was persuaded to have one taste of the bright life.

 On return from hospital with little David she sat shell shocked in her room - not knowing whether to play with baby or toys and alternating between them with mother anxiously hovering. She slept with David beside her in his carry cot and Teddy snuggled up to her inside the covers.

 Fifteen years later she still has no boyfriend, she hardly ever goes out except to visit Mum. David is a fine boy, quiet and well mannered and his mother’s only companion.

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Sonia also got pregnant at fourteen but was delighted to have her baby. Her one and only boyfriend stuck by her and they are now married with a delightful family of four children ranging in age from 14 to 6. Sonia is working and has taken up professional training. She would like to become a therapist.

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The lives of young mothers have taken many turns along differing paths in the fifteen years that we have followed them. For some it has been a success story, for others the road has been paved with disaster - some are lonely and sad - others have come through pain and hardship with immense fortitude.

 Whatever the outcome - the one message that we need to learn from these stories is not to prejudge young parents - there are many stereotypes and many false impressions and whatever concept we may have of teenage parenthood we are likely to be wrong - we need to keep a completely open mind and remember that all parents - young or old, are individuals and deserve unique attention.

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Baby Fathers

 Regarding the boyfriends of our young mothers, it was noted in “Are you my sister, Mummy?” that the boyfriends tended to be of similar background and characteristics to the girls - in other words, they had experiences of dropping out of school, were not often in employment, had similar family histories of school age pregnancies with regard to their mothers and sisters and in many ways had the same needs to become fathers as their girlfriends did to become mothers.

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Take Terry ...

He so wanted to be a Dad. ... He had been just fifteen when his wish came true for the first time ... he  was so pleased that he hardly dared to touch those tiny little hands reaching out for his ....

 To see him playing with his children was a joy ... his little girls climbed all over him at access visits and  the baby squealed with delight as he playfully bounced him up in the air. On visits to the park all had the same treats and ice creams which Terry tried to valiantly to keep off  their clean dresses and  gently wiped off their faces with a soft tissue so they would not get sore.

 He was brought up ‘tough’ and never had much of a relationship with his own father whose main communication was the end of his belt. His inner rage  about his childhood came to the fore at times in arguments with his girlfriend and it was in one  of these violent arguments that his older children were thought to be ‘at risk’ and were removed from his care.

 Still, he continued to want to be a father, and he knew he could be a good one .... he could not understand how anyone could ever believe him capable of hurting a child .. it was incomprehensible that whenever he ‘fought’ to get things right .. people thought he was doing wrong. ..

 Eventually he realised that it was ‘the fight’ that was the problem .. he stopped fighting off the ‘bad parents’ around him, allowed himself to be helped and happily and playfully resumed his position of doting father. ... a job his four children know he does very well .....